A Letter to the Responsible Individuals at Major Internet Publishers

This message is brought to you by the new Federal Motors 2019 Hoodwinker Saloon. Experience unparalleled joy with industry leading mileage* and up to eight** cupholders! Pay your local dealer a visit for a test drive and receive two tickets to Star Wars®: The Last Jedi™***! Starting at just $12,345****. Click here to sk–

* Mileage may vary.
** Available with sports package.
*** While supplies last. Limited to two per household. Star Wars is a registered trademark of the Walt Disney Corporation.
**** Suggested retail price.

Our experts investigated your site - you won’t believe what they found!

Today’s edition of Waffle is brought to you by Netmix! The video content you enjoy, now on every screen. Season 10 of House of Fjords now available.

Dear senior executive,

You may also enjoy: Fictional letters to the editor throughout history

I sat down to read an article shared to me by my grandmother on FACEBOOK, INC. [FB; 184.33; -0.34 (-0.18%); at close: 4:00PM EST; stock prices provided by Varyzen for informational uses only] and I was simply put, flooredfor quality flooring, enjoy Lowe’s new line of walnut parquet – by the clarity and efficacy of your original contentcreate your own weblog now at WordPress.com.

In related news: Net Neutrality: worst idea in American history or World history? We survey ISP marketing departments

Not only was it relevant and insightful, I was unable to locate any promotional consideration. As a concerned customer, I must insist that you include more advertisements, so as to ensure your continued survivalstock your go bag and bunker with quality MREs at The End is Nigh.

Around the web – provided by Hoogleboot Content Services
Remember these celebrities from the 70’s? Here’s what they’re up to today
This one weird trick solves hunger forever
Russia is planning to attack the US – read the secret plans

Once again, my warmest applause for your friction-freestop slipping this winter with Gary’s Gravel – reading experience. Truly, we are living in the golden age of journalism.

Autoplaying in two seconds: Why there is not ever a reason for anyone who still maintains ownership of a soul to engage a content blocker

Regards,
The Average Internet Content Consumer